cannot wait to meet this guy. he is conveniently supposed to be in philly at the same time as me, and i just so happen to be staying with dudes who play music with him on a regular basis. HUZZAH. until then all i care about is playing the hell out of my guitar so i can keep up.
perfect.
that ramones record is really the only thing i have left of my uncle and it fell off the wall and fucking cracked the day that he died. i didn’t cry when i heard he died but i cried like hell when that record fell. and that’s really all that i think about except that time i was taking someone’s order and tehy essentially told me that god had eased himself into the silence of the cosmos for a nap and i felt that it was true so i started crying right there at his table and my boss made me go home to sleep after calling me a sad dead ghost and i thought to myself that a sad ghost is better than a mad ghost but now i’m mad as hell too so fuck it i’m quitting at least two of my jobs until i can find my mimnd
BIG FAT BONER.
honestly wish i could stop needing this music as much as i do
swimming at me ever so slowyl, there are rainbow colors in your water. youre movinf very slowlt, but you know what you want. you want to hold me tight, look me in th eeye, tell me how unfamlir ive becom but that you want to kiss me anyway. and so we will, fo ra long time, and we will float away on the reainbo2 current you rode in on.i still believe in colors and i still believe in broken thing being repaired. you ve already seemed to have gathered and repaired a lot of my pieces without me evevn knowing it. you are sneaky and its kind of wht i like you. will you hlep me upp on to the roof where we can hold hands? all of the other hands are crowding around my computer skcreen. tring to read what impyping. they are jealous and htey was to hold hands yoo. no one shoul be upset because there are plernyt of hands to go around , they jion and rise above my bed and make movements and shapes and i can’t follow because it’s time fo rme to go to bed or freak out and i’d prefer the former.
gathering the crops of your grandfather clock
your grandfather is here, he’s a beaver foxx raccoon mix, he’s standing in my doorfram with a cane in one hand and his other hand on hi hip . he is looking over his spectacles at me. either chechkng me out or scolding me for not knowng why he’s here. he wast me to come out on th farm with him and shuck corn. there are a lot of circus clowns already out there, shucking the hell out of everything. there was aa tiny little midget with hairy little hands and he got fired for jacking off on the job. get back to werk twerp.
your grandfather’s face is getting so big and blowing steam, i just noticed it’s actually a grandfather clock. his arms are tick tockin with impatience. do you rea;;y expect me to get out of bed when i dont even know what the hell im typing? i can barely move or make sense of the movements that are hapening. how is this happeinig? in anty case, i’m not going anywhere with you gramps.
suddenly i am going somewhere but only in my mind. everyone, all of the forest critters, they’re moving very slowly in a dance or trance. we’ve all gathered around the crops and we’re making it happen. except we feel ever movemeny with the utmost intensity. there is a lot of swaying from side to side , of lighting arms high up in the air, of huggung and swaying arounf. we are all really enjoying ourself=ves. gether the crops of your grandfather clock.
your frandfather is a slavedriver. this drem is symbolic, i knot it. maybe if all of these weirdass angry animals would stop appearing to me in my sleep, i’d be able to sleep just fine. but they’re all so mad and it’s got me nervouw. how can i fix it uall? what can i do for you/ i feel like you’re asking thing i can’t do.
iit’s ilke all of these animals are lined up, tiny little guys lined up around the frame of my bed. looking so sullen, so serious. and they all look at me as if i should know exactly what they want or need. it’s so tragic actually because i don’t even know who they are and they all depend on me to get what they think they need. there are a few really sweety looking ones, like the deer that moved slowly from my bedside to my clavicle to my chin and my cheek. it tickled but i felt comforted by all of the moecemnt. i rather you guys come in and get to know me instead of stadnig around ym bed everyt night telling me all of the ways i’ve failed you. you know, menacing. if you try to know me then i can udnerstand you beter and actually help you get what you need without it feeling like a chore. i get sort of tired of ou unloading on me though, i mean i want to hel poyu but sometimes i just dont have it in me. and i think i need a lot of help too. id rather we do this togeter instead of you relying all the way on me. jesus christ you are a beautiful little creauture. i’ll draw you on paper soon o you dont just exist in my brain . can we just agree to need each other instead of you just using me and then leaving? me and you deer. me and you dear. soon i will draw you.
giving animal
giving charaters and faces to your real live problems and then befriending them via sketchpad and sleep pill hallucinatiosn are signs of insanity, but i can already feel the sun on the otherside
doctor? im going to sleep so well so long as i wake up.
on second thought,
i just read through those and they’re hilarious and sort of true about what i think about everything and maybe i’ll keep taking drugs and writing after all
GO HOME & DIG IT
WHAT.THE.HELL?
lesson of the week: if you take really strong sleeping medication, don’t leave your computer by your bedside where you might type really weird shit in your sleep.
